Blink
by Feathers Fall Like Snow
Summary: Jim saved Spock from the pain of a broken bond but in some masochistic way Spock wanted it. But that didn't change the fact that all Spock did was blink and JIm was dead.


Spock blinked.

The sky above him was a clear Terran blue, the purest of white clouds floating above him. The Terran sun was warm on his skin and a soft wind blew- he felt something soft brush against his exposed skin. He turned his head to look and realized for the first time that he was lying in a grassy field, surrounded by many different Terran flowers which were moving with the wind.

Warmth moved throughout his entire body. He turned his head and noticed Jim holding his hand and smiling at him as he lay on the grass. Jim squeezed his hand and Spock couldn't help but squeeze back.

This was tranquility. This was better than meditation. Spock couldn't think of anything else besides him and his T'hy'la. His entire body tingled, especially near his heart. That must be Jim's doing, caused by their bond and Jim's affections.

Jim could have possibly heard his thought- or it could be his sixth sense, as he called it- but Jim moved closer and whispered his love into Spock's ear. Spock pulled Jim closer until they were curled in each other's arms; legs tangled, minds in sync, love radiating through them- this was perfect.

Spock held Jim's hand and continuously brushed soft Vulcan kisses. They held each other close; as if afraid the other would disappear, but the idea never actually crossed their minds, which were filled only with thoughts of love and peace.

Spock didn't think of science or _The Enterprise_, he didn't think of Vulcan or space or even logic for that matter. He was only thinking of Jim and their love.

There was a small flash of discomfort but Spock couldn't bring himself to think about that. The warmth around his heart burned momentarily and Spock assumed it was Jim's love and concern. The burn was gone and Spock didn't miss it. He and Jim held each other closer.

Jim's heart and breathing stuttered. Spock couldn't help but notice that.

Spock sat up slowly and Jim looked up at him with concerned blue eyes. Spock began looking him over, was he hurt? Had something happened?

Jim, meanwhile, tried to calm him down, telling him everything was fine; trying to convince him to just enjoy their time _now_. Spock _wanted_ to believe what Jim was telling him, that nothing was wrong, but he had to keep in mind Jim's history of having practically no sense of self-preservation. Spock's hands lightly grazed over Jim's body, looking for anything wrong. When his hands passed Jim's side, the captain gasped.

Spock immediately lifted up his shirt, but…he saw nothing. He inquired as to what had happened, but Jim merely shook his head and kissed Spock, telling him again not to worry. Spock felt a flash of pain course through his head. His eyes squeezed shut and when he opened them he was met with Jim's piercing blue eyes, his hands on Spock's cheeks, and the sound of Jim telling him to calm down and breathe.

Spock did, yet the pain increased. Jim was also hissing in pain. His hands were still pressed to each side of Spock's face; their foreheads pushed together. Jim slammed their lips together and the pain lightened. He pulled back after what could have been either a few minutes or an eternity, and the pain was gone.

Jim smiled at him, blue eyes shining. He planted a final kiss to Spock's lips and whispered words of his love. Spock wrapped his arms around Jim and pulled him closer. Jim slowly released his face and wrapped his arms around the Vulcan's neck, entangling his fingers in his dark hair and shirt. Jim just held him and Spock did the same in return. When Jim finally pulled back, tears were brimming in his eyes. Before Spock could speak Jim cut him off with another kiss. When they softly broke apart, Jim gave him a watery smile and finally spoke,

"I'm sorry, Spock, I am, and I love you _so_ much."

Before Spock even had the chance to fully comprehend what he'd said there was a burst of heat and warmth and so much _love_…and then…Spock was freezing.

Spock opened his eyes and began to process everything around him. He was lying on a mat and he heard frantic shouts and cursing next to him. Spock turned his head and noticed his father, the Vulcan elders and Dr. McCoy standing around him. The doctor was bent over Jim's body and one elder was trying to connect to Jim's mind. Dr. McCoy seemed angry and terrified, and his father had a hand on his _bare_ shoulder; he was _touching_ him and looking at him with sympathetic eyes.

Spock couldn't understand them. It was like they were speaking some new, untranslatable language.

Suddenly Spock felt a burst of pain and couldn't help but cry out. His father squeezed his shoulder and the pain subsided and all at once he could hear everything. The doctor was cursing and the elders were responding in Standard.

Everything felt sluggish and Spock noticed Jim's still and pale form. He reached over and touched him.

_Cold_.

He was so cold. He wasn't breathing, his constantly beating heart _wasn't_ beating, his normally colorful body seemed dulled and pale. This wasn't possible, Spock should have felt the break and the pain and everything, he would have known that this had happened. That his t'hy'la was dead. Jim was dead.

"I'm sorry, Spock." Sarek whispered.

"How…?" His voice trailed off, unable to find the right words or even the strength to speak.

"The elders have some idea of what happened, but they find it difficult to believe that he had the ability to achieve it with his human mind." Spock glanced at Jim and noticed that the doctor was gone from the room and the elders were watching him and his father. "It appears that the captain was somehow able to gently break the bond without the pained whiplash, much like the old Vulcan folk tales." Like the folk tales Spock had told Jim, where the bondmate would save their t'hy'la from the heart-rending pain and grief by managing to break the bond without the pain.

Spock tried to take it all in as he stared at the ceiling above him. He felt...nothing. No grief, no emptiness, no loss. He felt neither happy nor sad, just normal, but this _wasn't_normal. When Vulcan was destroyed he had felt the pain of the loss of the bonds, but this…it was said to be the greatest pain, the lost of a soul mate's bond, and Spock felt_nothing_.

It shouldn't be possible. "This is not logical."

"I understand the pain you are going through-"

"You cannot!" Spock snapped, sitting up, yet instantly regretting it as dizziness rushed over him. His father reached over to help him but Spock pushed him away. His eyes flashed with grief and anger. "You at least had the remains of the bond to reassure and comfort you. I do not. I am left with no proof of my bond with my t'hy'la. You know nothing, father." He sneered and with that he stood up and headed towards the doors.

"Spock, you are being emotional." Sarek scolded.

"Forgive me for having emotional feelings towards my t'hy'la." Spock responded sarcastically before he left the room.

Bones was right outside the door and was shocked to see Spock storm out of the room and down the hall. He called for him to wait, but his words seemed to fall on deaf ears.

"Slow down!" Bones called again. When he finally caught up and spun Spock around he froze at the sight of the tears spilling down the Vulcan's face.

"He's gone, and I feel nothing." Spock admitted, bitterness lacing his tone.

The doctor cursed and did what any human would do; he embraced Spock and allowed him to be emotional.

"I know, and that's what Jim planned." He pulled away but kept his hands on Spock's shoulders. "According to those ancient sticks in the mud, Jim was able to do some weird thing that only Jim would know how to do to spare you the pain of losing another bond."

"Without the feeling of loss, I don't feel like he is really dead."

McCoy's hands squeezed his shoulders, and he spoke gently but firmly. "Trust me, he's gone."

Spock stared at the ground for a moment, composing himself, thinking through what had just happened. "Let us get Jim's body and leave." His eyes were cold once again.

He tried to walk away but McCoy grabbed his arm. "Spock, how you're acting, the emotions you're feeling…you don't need a bond to prove that you miss him or loved him or what not…"

Spock nodded; McCoy was correct. He did miss and love Jim and nothing would change that.

"Go contact Star Fleet and tell them what happened. I'm gonna go…" He motioned towards the door that Spock just walked out of, the room with Jim's corpse. Spock felt a twinge of pain at the thought but he merely nodded and walked off.

Spock didn't need a bond to miss and grieve Jim, but in some masochistic way, Spock _wanted_ it. But it didn't change the fact that all Spock did was blink and Jim was dead.

Jim was dead.

Jim, his Jim, was dead.

Spock fell on his knees. Jim was dead and Spock cried.

* * *

**HoKay so...**

**You can thank E for grammar checking**

**I killed Jim...you people better get used to that if you keep reading my stories...I love him so much and Spock because they're _t'hy'la_**

if Bones seems OOC then I'm sorry but he also lost his best friend and he's gruff and isn't used to see a Vulcan crying  
also! It bother's me when people say Spock's eyes were red from tears because Vulcan blood is green and therefore his eyes would be green from crying...that is all

REVIEW FAVORITE ALERTS ARE ALWAYS NICE

**ION (I Own Nothing)**

**I really worked hard on this so please tell me what you think or I'll cry and Hank will too**

**PS thanks for reading**

**feathers!**


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